Too Little Too Late
by Nellie1
Summary: [SLASH J/D] An drastic event give Jack and Daniel to insights to things.


**Too Little Too Late**

by

**Nellie**

* * *

**Email:** nel_ani@yahoo.se  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Category: **Angst, H/C, humor, first time, holiday story (in theory...)  
**Warnings:** Maybe an itty bitty curse somewhere...  
**Summary: **An drastic event give Jack and Daniel to insights to things.  
**Disclaimer:** They ain't mine. *sniffle* BUT I WANT THEM TO BE!  
**Author's Notes:** Speech time! *mad laughter* The thanks first. _Willow:_ My partner in crime, thank you so much. And you know, I don't care what you say, you have talent! Couldn't have done without the cheerleading and the great betaing. _Doug:_ The poem is wonderful. I love it!!! Thanks for all the trouble, I know I've been a pain. _Danvers:_ Without you I'd be lying on the floor christmas eve crying my eyes out. You made this story move forward, and you know I think you even did more than that. Thank you!

Jeanette, Emmy, (Mo?), this one is for you. To the best partner, co-writer. nut-house neighbor, companion obsessor, certifiably insane, and above all, friend. I hope you like this, every line is written for you. Read *slowly*.

* * *

As the darkness lifted to a world of burning pain and an insistent voice, Jack stifled the moan that threatened to brake free. 

"Jack? Jack, can you hear me?!" 

The voice sounded familiar. Kawalsky? No, that didn't seem right somehow. Frank? John? 

"Come on, don't do this to me, Jack!" 

After a lot of consideration he decided that the best way to find out was to open his eyes. Sleeping wouldn't be an option as long as that damn shouting continued. 

"Will you keep it down," he mumbled, "you'll wake the neighbors." 

"Jack?" 

His eyelids seemed heavy as lead, but he'd made up his mind. He was a Colonel in the Goddamn Air Force for crying out loud, he'd gotten up from bed without help for almost 40 years, he thought he'd be able to handle it now. 

Everything was blurry, and he had a hard time focusing, but finally a face came into view. Concerned blue eyes framed by cracked glasses and tousled short hair. There was a nasty bruise on the left cheek and a gash over one eyebrow. 

"Daniel?" 

"Jack! Are you okay?" 

He had the urge to chuckle, but considering the way his ribs ached he dismissed the idea. Daniel made a face. 

"Sorry, dumb question." 

Jack looked around with some difficulty. 

"Carter, Teal'c?" 

"They made it through the gate." 

He pondered on that for a while. 

"And we didn't because…" 

"I saw you go down and got us here as the gate was too far away." 

He managed to focus his eyes on Daniel again and formed them into what he hoped resembled a glare. Daniel just snorted. 

"Oh, don't give me that crap, Jack, if it was one of us you wouldn't have left either." 

Jack grumbled a bit but knew he was defeated on this point.

"So… What's the plan?" 

"We wait until dark and get out of here." 

"Wow." 

Daniel glared. 

"Hey, I didn't say anything!" 

"But you thought." 

"I thought that you've been spending way too much time with me." 

Daniel returned his grin. 

"Well, that's probably true." 

Jack squinted a bit. 

"Okay, please tell me it's getting darker." 

"It is," Daniel confirmed reassuringly. 

"How far to the gate?" 

"About 300 feet." 

"300 feet. Okay. Piece of cake." 

He got up on his elbows and paused as his head started to swim and the dull pain in his midsection flamed. With a lot of help from Daniel he managed to stand, leaning heavily on his friend. 

"Jack, you're not going to make it 300 feet." 

"Sure I will." 

To prove his point he took one step and barely suppressed his scream as searing pain tore through his body. 

"Jesus!" 

He fell to his knees, the motion sending another wave of pain through him. 

"Damn it!" 

He heard Daniel's curse, but barely registered the sound of tearing cloth. He vaguely noticed that the bandages around his waist were soaked red. He knew bad when he saw it, and this was bad. 

"Danny…" 

"Hang on Jack, let me get these on," Daniel mumbled softly. 

"Daniel." He finally managed to get his voice to carry. "Leave me." 

Daniel shook his head stubbornly. 

"Nononono, don't try that routine on me, Jack, it won't work." 

"Daniel, listen to me." 

He closed his eyes and tried to gather his thoughts and gather some energy, but he could feel the life run out of him along with the blood. Making sure he had Daniel's attention he continued. 

"I'm dead man walking, I…" 

Daniel had started shaking his head immediately. 

"Daniel, I'm dead weight!" 

Daniel tied the last cloth around Jack's waist and locked him in place with a stare. 

"Nothing you say will make me change my mind. Even if you were…" He broke of and looked away. "Even if you were dead, I'd still get you back through the gate." 

Jack stared back at him for a long while but finally sighed and surrendered. He was too tired, and in a strange way he was glad. Not that he was probably going to get Daniel killed, the mere thought made his heart ache even more than the rest of him. But somehow the thought that he wouldn't be left behind, not this time, was comforting. 

"Okay," Daniel whispered. "Here's the plan." 

Jack looked up and noticed the dark figures of the trees around him. _Gotta pay more attention, Jack ol' boy_, he thought and focused on Daniel's voice. 

"I'll carry you to the DHD, dial us home and get the hell out of this place." 

"Daniel?" 

"Yes Jack?" 

"Don't quit your day job." 

He was rewarded with a tight smile and Daniel's face closing in. 

"Christmas is in eight days, Cass will have your head if your not there, so hang in there." 

Jack just nodded. Lifting his head was an effort now. 

"Okay. Sorry about this, but this-" 

"-is going to hurt. I know." 

Daniel nodded and helped Jack up again. He bended over and as carefully as he could lift Jack over his shoulders. 

Jack gritted his teeth together so hard he could swear he heard them creak. Daniel started moving, knowing that Jack was already hurting. Every small step through the uneven terrain rattled Jack, and agony raced through his body. He moaned, even though vaguely recalling that he should keep quiet. 

Suddenly the sound of staff weapons firing was heard. 

Daniel started running, and this time Jack yelled. He was grateful as the darkness rushed up and claimed him. 

~oOo~ 

There was an annoying noise that wouldn't leave him alone. A rhythmical, high-pitched sound, sounding close to his ear. 

Ah, the heart monitor. That meant he was in the infirmary. Voices got through his drugged mind. 

"…I'm sorry but there's nothing more I can do. I can keep him comfortable, but other than that…" 

"But there has to be something, Janet!" 

Carter. Good. For some reason he couldn't remember he'd been concerned for her safety. 

"He was awake and coherent right before we got back." 

Daniel. He sounded… devastated. Daniel shouldn't sound devastated, he should sound happy. That had been the goal of Jack's life for the past three years. 

"All of his vital organs are shutting down, Daniel. He took a direct hit." 

"You're sure that there's nothing, Doctor?" 

_Hey, it's the General! Hi George!_

"Yes sir, I wish I wasn't." 

"Can the Tok'ra not assist?" 

_And Teal'c old buddy! Everyone's here, let's party!_

"I've tried to get through to Dad, but it looks like they've moved again." 

"How long does he have?" Daniel again. 

"A few hours at most." 

Why was everyone so concerned? If they were worried about him, they shouldn't be, he felt great! Well, actually, he didn't feel much at all but – _ouch!_

Okay, that hurt a bit. 

He tried to move. _Oh God!_

"Colonel?" 

Janet was there right away, opening his eyelids and letting the bright light from the room shine in. 

"He's coming to." 

He blinked and squinted. 

"Bright…" he murmured, his throat dry. 

Some kind being turned the lights down and Janet was suddenly there with a glass of water and a straw. Gratefully he sipped, but the liquid failed to give him energy. 

"How are you feeling, Colonel?" 

"Peachy…" He tried not to make a face as she carefully touched his stomach, but must have failed. 

"I'm giving you some more for the pain, sir." 

His hand caught hers. 

"No sedatives." 

Their eyes met for a moment, and she nodded. 

"I'm just going to give you some morphine." 

"Doc? No. If anything happens, I'd rather be awake" 

"Okay colonel, if you insist. But if the pain gets any worse, I'll have to do something about it. Okay?" She gave him a reassuring smile before leaving the group. 

General Hammond stepped into his eyesight. 

"We're not giving up on you, son. I'm going to make some calls, we've brought home a lot of technology, some may be able to help." 

"Of course, sir." 

The General nodded and left the room quietly. 

"Well, kids, everyone in one piece?" 

"All except you, sir." Carter's tone was betrayingly light. 

Daniel was standing on the left side of the bed opposite Sam and Teal'c, arms hugging himself tightly and his eyes not meeting Jack's. 

"I'm going to try and get a hold of Dad again," Sam looked at Jack then Teal'c, "and I'll also try the Tollans and the Nox." 

"I will accompany you MajorCarter" 

Sam squeezed Jack's hand, "Just hold on a little longer, sir." 

They both left quietly, and Jack noted that Daniel's eyes we're still avoiding his.

"Well, it's just you and me then, Danny." 

Not the most inspiring thing he'd ever said, but anything to break the tense silence. 

Daniel slumped down in the chair next to the bed, face buried in his hands.

"God Jack, I'm so sorry." 

"Hey, for what?" 

"I should have gotten you out of there sooner…" 

"And what good would that have done?" Jack asked quietly. "It would only have gotten both of us killed." 

Daniel mumbled something into his hands, something sounding like "might as well", but Jack couldn't be sure. He found it harder and harder to concentrate and judging by how weary he felt he started to suspect that Janet might have slipped some sedatives in his IV after all. 

"Hey." He touched Daniel's arm, and the younger man finally looking up. 

"As long as you're safe, I'm okay," Jack said, and Daniel looked away, blinking furiously. 

Jack's eyelids felt heavy and the fire in his stomach started making itself noticed again. Something was wrong. 

_Or maybe something is right_, he thought cynically. 

No, that wasn't true. A few years ago this might have been what he wanted, but now he didn't want to die. He had to look after Danny, he just had too. Suddenly afraid at the thought that the light in those beautiful eyes might go out he gripped Daniel's sleeve, and Daniel smiled at him, his hand gripping Jack's. 

That smile. The thought of that radiant smile being destroyed forever… 

Yes, he was in love with his best friend. 

He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. _Great time to figure it out O'Neill_. He should have known. He wasn't stupid, although he played dumb very well, he really should have seen it coming. 

All those times discretely checking Daniel out, the efforts to make him smile, or God forbid, laugh. 

And now he was too damn late! He'd never felt this tired, not even after Iraq, he could take a hint. 

He considered asking Daniel to call for Janet, but decided that it really wouldn't make a difference. His time was running out. 

"Jack?" Daniel sounded anxious and Jack found his face hovering over his own. 

"Daniel…" He shouldn't. He really shouldn't. It was selfish and cruel to Daniel but… 

Daniel came closer. 

"I'm here Jack." 

Jack smiled. 

"I know you are, Danny." He shouldn't… 

Daniel was so close, just so close… 

Gathering strength from unknown sources Jack lifted his head and caught Daniel's lips. 

They were just as he'd imagined, soft, warm and so, so sweet. Daniel's mouth opened in surprise and Jack tasted him. So sweet. 

At least he'd gotten a taste of heaven, he thought as his head sunk back to the pillow. As his eyelids slid together wide blue eyes stared at him. The last thing he heard was a long, lasting beep. 

~oOo~ 

Light. 

Light shone in his eyes and hurt.

Hey, was he supposed to feel anything? 

Was he supposed to be able to think? 

If this was hell, the Devil really ought to get help. Maybourne would probably love to. 

Somehow Jack didn't think one could think of bad jokes when one was dead, so that would mean that he was still alive. But how? The light disappeared and everything got dark. Right. His eyes were closed. Carefully he peeked. 

"Welcome back to the land of the living, Colonel." 

Janet. She sounded cheerful, so unless she'd hidden her true opinions about him, he supposed he really was alive. He was still in the infirmary. 

"How?" He squinted around the room, and besides the two of them, no one was around. 

"Well, we got a little help." She smiled. 

"Oh, well that's nice. The Tollans?" At her negative response he continued. "The Asgard?" 

She shook her head. 

"The Nox?" _Pleasepleaseplease…_

"The Tok'ra came just in the nick of time." 

_Damn!_

"And I suppose it was Anise," he said wearily. 

"No, actually it was General Carter and Selmac." 

He lit up. 

"Really?" 

She smiled again. 

"Yes, really." 

"Cool." He motioned to the deserted surroundings. 

"Where is everyone?" 

"I sent your team to get some sleep. They refused to leave until they were sure that you were going to be all right." 

Jack felt warmer and suspected that he was blushing. He coughed a bit. Janet went on as if not noticing. 

"General Hammond is with General Carter at the moment." 

"So, since the Tok'ra has done their magic, I'm fully healed?" 

"Yes, all internal bleeding has been repaired." 

"So, basically, there's no real need for me to be here?" 

"I want to keep you here over night for observation, Colonel." 

"Aw, come on Doc! You said it yourself, I'm fine!" 

She held up her hands, stopping the objections. 

"General's orders, Colonel." 

He looked suspiciously at her. 

"And you had nothing to do with that of course." 

She looked shocked. 

"Of course not Colonel!" She turned away, but he still caught the smirk in her face. 

_Napoleonic power monger..._

"You might wanna talk to Daniel, he seemed a bit shaken up, even when we were certain you'd make it." 

"Sure thing, Doc," he agreed. 

Janet nodded and started to leave. 

"Get some sleep Colonel, and you need it." 

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered. Something was bothering him, it felt like he'd forgotten something. 

"Shit!" 

_Daniel._

~oOo~ 

The time in the infirmary wasn't totally uneventful. 

Sam brought him flowers, something so shocking in itself that Jack was lost for words. At the baffled expression of her CO's face, the Major blushed and admitted that Teal'c had picked them out. 

The Jaffa looked decidedly smug at the confession and Sam turned a couple of more shades red. Everything was almost back to normal except for one missing archaeologist. 

Now after 10 hours of tests, tests and more tests, he was free. His first destination had been Daniel's office, although he had no idea what to say to the man. 

Surprised and, admittedly, a bit relieved he came to an empty office. He couldn't find Daniel anywhere, and when leaving through the gates he was informed that Dr. Jackson had left an hour ago. He had to hand it to Daniel, he really knew how to avoid people when he wanted to. He considered going to Daniel's apartment to straighten things out. 

Straighten things out? 

'I'm sorry Daniel, didn't mean to fall in love with you, but you're still on for Christmas, right?' 

Yeah, great idea. Daniel probably wouldn't believe him anyway, hell, if he were Daniel he wouldn't believe him. 

He sighed and decided to go home, grab a shower, try and clear his head. He felt tired and by the time he pulled up at the house he had the beginnings of a headache. 

Digging for the keys in his pockets, he grumbled something about the Tok'ra always having a catch. The snow that had been drifting down on the way home increased, and his fingers had stiffened considerably by the time he got inside. 

He dropped the keys on a table and decided that taking an aspirin and some hot coffee was on top on his to do-list as he went into the living room to switch on the lights on the Christmas tree. 

He cursed as his foot hit the couch in the darkness, and finally found the plug on the floor. As the lights went on he straightened up his back and turned around. 

He didn't know why he was surprised. 

"Daniel." 

~oOo~ 

Daniel didn't answer, just sat in Jack's chair, studying him. 

"How did you get here?" 

"Cab." 

Daniel's eyes seemed to see right through him, and Jack had to look away. 

"How-" 

Daniel held up a spare key. Jack nodded and rubbed his face wearily. 

"Beer?" 

"No." 

Jack nodded again and moved to the kitchen. He returned with an open bottle and an aspirin. He swallowed it with the beer and slumped down the couch**. **

After several minutes of looking everywhere but at Daniel, he decided to try and start the ball rolling. They needed to talk. For crying out loud! He explored new worlds on a daily basis, the list of people wanting him dead was growing daily as well. Things like that didn't worry him much, but moments like this, him here with Daniel scared the shit out of him. 

"You didn't show up in the infirmary." 

"I had some translations to do." 

Jack quirked an eyebrow at him and Daniel actually had the decency to look ashamed and glance away. 

"I see." The silence stretched longer this time, and Jack decided to face the music. 

"What is it Daniel?" 

Daniel looked at him again. 

"You know what it is." 

Jack suddenly found the bottle fascinating. 

"I don't know…" 

"The hell you don't!" 

Jack looked up to see Daniel fuming at him. 

"Daniel…" 

"What was it?" Daniel got up and started pacing. "Something you had to try before you died? Was it on your top ten things to do? Number One, must kiss guy before dying." 

The bitterness in Daniel's voice surprised Jack and he could feel his temper getting the better of him. 

"Of course not, don't be an idiot!" 

"Then what?" Daniel stopped pacing and stared into Jack's eyes. "Some sick joke? You just had to** make one last joke at my expense?" **

Jack stared at him in disbelief. 

"Yeah, I get a real kick from hurting my best friends. Christ, Danny, if you knew you were dying and were given one last chance to kiss Sha're, wouldn't you?" Jack found himself facing Daniel. 

"Of course I would, but that's different! I lo…" Daniel stopped abruptly and the anger in his face gave room for that intense expression he always got while translating something unusually tricky. It made Jack very nervous. 

"It's different because I loved Sha're." Daniel said it slowly, thoughtfully. 

"You're right Daniel, I'm sorry. It was a sick thing to do and I…" 

Jack just trailed off and walked to stand in front of the window, anything to avoid that imploring gaze. What was he supposed to say? 'Oh hey Daniel, I'm feeling better now and I just figured out I love you but now that I'm not dying I may forget any of this ever happened.' 

"What?" Daniel, a note of desperation in his voice. 

"I… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I dunno…" Jack shook his head and sighed. He rubbed his eyes and massaged his temples. 

"Why did you do it then?" Daniel's voice was gentle and coaxing. 

Jack shrugged, "I don't know." 

Daniel nodded, his face looked just as it had when he had watched Sha're die next to him. The face of a heartbroken man. 

"You don't know," Daniel said sadly and started to walk towards the door. 

"Daniel please," Jack grabbed Daniel's arm, but Daniel pulled away hard. 

"I really need to go now Jack." Daniel said brokenly as he reached the door. 

"Daniel, lets talk about this. Please." Jack looked pleading. 

Daniel turned to face Jack, his face a hard mask, but his eyes gave away the conflicting emotions. 

"I thought you were dying Jack," he said almost whispering, "I watched you die, and suddenly I wanted to die too. I've lost everyone I've ever loved, my parents, Sha're. I watched you die and you didn't even realize how much I loved you… I couldn't loose someone else I loved. I couldn't loose you."

"Daniel…" Jack whispered, "Please…" 

"And then…" Daniel half choked, an errant tear sliding down his cheek and jaw line to sit under his chin, "…then you kissed me. You did something I'd dreamt about. You thought you were dying and you kissed me. Where does that leave me Jack? I love you…but right now…I don't like you very much." 

Daniel turned and then left, the door slamming shut behind him as Jack stood silently, his heart beating like a million drums. And then it dawned on him. 

"He loves me," Jack said as his mouth curved into a smile, "He. Loves. Me." 

~oOo~ 

"So, still on for Christmas?" Janet brought the tray forward to Jack who was sitting on the infirmary bed, swinging his legs. 

His face grew warm. 

"Sure. There's some gifts with Cass' name on them that can't be wasted." 

She smiled. 

"I didn't know you'd had time to get any." She didn't have to say the unsaid. They'd all been a bit preoccupied lately. 

He looked a bit smug. 

"Got the gifts done in November, Doc." 

She chuckled and shook her head as she pulled out the syringe. 

"Is this really necessary?" He couldn't help but sound a bit grumpy. 

Janet started drawing what she'd promised was the last lot of blood. 

"Yes Colonel, I just need to make sure you're back to your usual self." 

"Make sure I don't have any blood left more like." He muttered, and was pointedly ignored. 

"You'll let me know what we need to bring right?" Janet pulled the needle out and patted his shoulder. "There you go, it wasn't that bad was it?" 

He muttered thanks, and left a frowning Janet behind him. 

He shook himself mentally. He was acting strange; this much he knew. But hey, he'd just come back from the dead. It was his privilege to act strange. It had nothing to do with the fact that he had kissed Daniel, nothing at all. 

_Yeah right, and the Goa'uld are all nice people, deep down. _

He'd come down to the base to see Daniel, only to be dragged off by some airman to see Janet as soon as he'd arrived. He'd obviously been ordered to do so, because as soon as he had delivered his charge he took off post haste. 

So he'd unplugged the phone and ignored his beeper, the world hadn't ended. When you got time off, you had to take advantage. 

He had found his way to Daniel's office without even thinking. It sometimes amazed him how often he'd go for a walk, and end up here. The door was open just enough for him to peek in and see Daniel sitting at his desk. He looked like he was a million miles away. He found the intense look on the younger mans face incredibly sexy, but he pushed the thought away as soon as it appeared. 

They needed to talk. They needed to sort things out. 

He rapped on the door and watched as the papers on the desk were suddenly target to close scrutiny. 

"Come in." 

He sauntered into the office in what he hoped was a casual manner. His heart sank as Daniel's shoulders tensed as soon as he entered. 

"I'm busy." 

_Yep, definitely knew it was him. _

"Whatcha doin?" Good. Not too light, but not too serious either. Daniel refused to meet his eyes. 

"I'm trying to finish this translation," Daniel replied flatly. 

"Uh huh." 

Daniel looked up and Jack hurriedly turned on his most charming smile. He felt satisfied when he saw Daniel's cheeks redden slightly. 

"Anything interesting?" 

"Well, I don't really know, since I haven't finished it." 

_Oh, annoyed. Annoyed wasn't the mood Jack was aiming for. _

"Hey, why don't you take a break? Clear your head. I have some of your favorite coffee in my office, or we could try the commissary." 

"No thanks. I really don't have time." 

"No time for coffee?" Jack looked shocked. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with Daniel Jackson?!" 

"Jack." 

"Daniel." 

"Jack." 

"Avoiding it won't make it go away you know." Jack smiled. It wasn't even his best smile, but he saw the red glow creeping back up Daniel's face. Sweet. 

"I know but it doesn't hurt to try." Daniel muttered and looked down at his work again. 

"Danny? You okay?" 

Daniel laughed a hollow sound that made Jack's heart ache. 

"Not really. I just… Give me some space Jack. I just need..." 

"What? What do you need?" Jack said after Daniel left the sentence hanging for a while. 

"I need time. To get over this." 

"What if I don't want you to get over 'it'?" He said it so softly that he wasn't even sure he'd said it out loud. 

Daniel's head snapped up. 

_Oh, out loud apparently. _

"What?" 

Jack started pacing. God this was harder than he'd thought. 

"Jack?" 

Daniel stood in front of him, a hand on Jack's arm to stop him. 

"Jack..." 

_Deep breath… This was progress. _

"I love you Daniel." He continued quickly before he lost his nerve. "I just… I wanted to know what it felt like, just once before…" 

Something painful connected with his jaw and Jack suddenly found himself on the floor. 

"You sonofabitch!" 

Jack looked up at the red-faced man. "Uh… Okay, not the response I was looking for." 

"You selfish bastard! You thought you were dying and you kissed me?! The only reason you kissed me was because you were _dying! Did you for one second think how that would make me feel? Me, the guy who happens to love an insensitive jerk like you! What the __fuck is wrong with you?! You…you…you….asshole!!! Get out!" _

"Daniel…"  
  
"GET OUT!!!" 

"Alright!" This wasn't going well at all. Jack got up from the floor, and rubbed his aching jaw. Daniel looked like he might jump him any moment. And not the kind of jumping that Jack was hoping for… 

It was time for some heavy artillery, he decided as he hurriedly left Daniel's office. It was time for Plan B. 

As soon as he figured out a Plan B. 

~oOo~ 

Daniel's smile was a bit forced as he nodded at the passing airman. After hiding out in his office for hours his stomach had finally won out on him and he'd decided to go to the commissary and grab something to eat. If nothing else, some coffee, he'd run out of that as well. 

As he entered there were three people sitting in a corner, talking quietly to each other. They didn't seem to notice him at all. He was grateful that it wasn't anyone he'd have to stop and talk too. He really didn't feel like any company at the moment.

He went straight for a tray and decided that pie would have to do. Daniel reached for a plate of apple pie, not expecting a warm hand to close around his. He looked beside him to see Jack standing there grinning. 

Daniel pulled away, "What are you doing?" 

"Actually, I was thinking about having some pie." 

He gave Jack a frosty look, "You're not funny Jack." 

"Never said I was Daniel," Jack pushed the apple pie away and opted for some jell-o instead. 

Daniel moved up to look at the fruit basket. He stopped as he realized there was an insistent presence behind him. 

"Do you mind?" Daniel snapped as he stepped away. 

"Who? Me?" Jack said innocently. 

"If you were standing any closer you'd be standing on me." He lowered his voice so the other people in the commissary wouldn't catch on. 

"Mmm, pleasant thought," Jack grinned. 

Daniel stared open mouthed for a moment. 

"Pretending you hate me won't make me go away Daniel." Jack whispered. "Can you tell me you hated that kiss? Can you tell me that you didn't want to know how I feel about you? How much I care about you?" Jack edged closer pretending to choose some fruit. "Or perhaps you don't realise how much…" 

He stood rooted unable to think straight as Jack's arm moved across his chest to reach into the basket. Daniel looked away as he placed a milk carton on his tray. 

Jack picked up an orange and examined it carefully for invisible bruises, "I think about it night and day. I wake up and think how much I'd like to have you next to me where I can..." 

"Shut up Jack," Daniel said as heat flooded his face and his hands held on to the milk carton. 

"Think about kissing," Jack's voice was a murmur as he casually stood there and even more casually put his hand on Daniel's arm to manoeuvre him away so Jack could get to a drink. Daniel almost instantly moved away to stand in front of a row of cakes. 

Jack watched as Daniel nervously moved his tray up. 

"Kissing, and touching and..." 

"Jack..." Daniel looked up at Jack almost pleading. 

Jack looked around the commissary and saw the three SF's were immersed in their own conversation and the lunch ladies seemed out of sight. 

"I know how you feel. And I know you can't pretend that things are different. And I know you want me like I want you. And it's going to happen. I don't care how long it takes, if I have to chase you for the next four years...your ass is mine Jackson." 

Daniel suddenly felt the knot in his stomach tighten and unknowingly his hands seemed to pull apart the opening of the carton. The Carton unexpectedly came apart sending milk everywhere. Daniel stepped back completely embarrassed and red faced as Jack stood there with a grin on his face. 

"Woah Daniel, getting a little excited there huh?" Jack said in his best military asshole voice as the SF's spared a glance and sniggered. A lunch lady appeared with a mop and an annoyed look. 

"I'm sorry...I...uh" Daniel stammered as the woman started to mop and Jack turned away with a satisfied grin on his face. Frustrated, Daniel speedily left the commissary and locked himself in his office for the next three hours. 

Jack sighed. He had wanted, needed, to get Daniel worked up enough to at least another yell at him. At least he would have been talking. But it hadn't worked. Time for another plan. 

~oOo~ 

Jack sauntered down the corridor and smiled innocently at the passing lieutenant, getting a blush in return. Wow. He should try that more often at a certain target. Mentally shaking himself he returned to his mission. 

He carefully peeked into the corridor outside Daniel's office. No one in sight. Good. He'd recruited Siler as an informer, and had gotten a report the second Daniel had left for home. Daniel never locked his office, but even if he had, that wouldn't have kept Jack out for long. 

Jack quickly opened the door and jumped into Daniel's office. All right, he was enjoying this. Maybe a bit too much, but hey! 

"Danny Danny Danny… let's see where you keep that file…" He quickly started going through the papers on the desk. 

After ten minutes of fruitless searching, he was down on his knees cursing, trying to pull forward a box that was pushed deep inside a cupboard. 

"Ehm… Sir?" 

He banged his head in the shelf above him and let out another curse before turning to the all to familiar voice. Damn. 

"Do you require assistance O'Neill?" 

_Great, just great._

"Erhm no thanks, I'm fine." He tried to frantically think of a way to explain his current situation. 

"What are you doing?" Carter had that worried frown on her face, the one that hadn't left her face since his most recent return from the dead. 

"Just looking for a file, nothing important really." 

"Then perhaps I can be of assistance, O'Neill. DanielJackson recently reorganized his office, I may be able to help you locate this file." 

"No, really, Teal'c, it's no big deal." 

"If you want, I can call Daniel and ask…" Sam had already turned to the phone on the desk. 

"No!" The outburst made Teal'c raise an eyebrow and Carter retract the hand that was stretching towards the phone as if burned. Damn, he wished she'd get over this already. He missed his pissy major that always argued against him. 

"I mean, no, don't disturb him, he's got enough on his mind." 

_Okay, wrong thing to say._

"Yeah, he has been a bit absent minded lately." Carter frowned, but Jack was relieved that it wasn't directed at him at least. 

Teal'c, however, was eyeing him closely. 

"Do you know the cause of DanielJackson's distraction, O'Neill?" 

"No, no idea." 

_Thank you, a decent lie at last. Geez, only been in the lying business for how long? _

"I see. When I asked DanielJackson what was troubling him, he mumbled your name before making a hasty retreat." 

Teal'c looked a bit threatening, and Jack hoped that he had an impassive look on his face. 

"Really? Funny, he hasn't said anything to me." 

"Then why did you leave DanielJackson's office in such a hurry while rubbing your face?" 

Sam was looking between the both as if watching a sparring match. 

Jack cursed silently over Jaffa sneakiness. He'd been positive the corridor had been deserted as he left the office earlier. 

"Silly thing really, tripped on a box and greeted the door." 

"I see." The way Teal'c quirked an eyebrow didn't bode well. A tactical retreat was in order. 

"Well, I'm beat. I really oughta get some rest." Why had he ever wished away Carter's frown, he could use a little support at the moment. 

He quickly started walking towards the door. 

"DanielJackson did not appreciate your feelings towards him?" Teal'c's voice was soft, but it still froze Jack into place. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." Good, not said too fast. The door was just a foot away, if he just reached out… 

"I am talking about the feelings that you and DanielJackson have for each other." 

_Damn._

He waited for Carter's shocked outburst, and turned to look over his shoulder as it didn't come. She was frowning. And it wasn't the previous frown. It was a frownier frown, a bit more… He pulled himself together. 

There really wasn't any use covering it up, these people knew him too well. _Should have known better then to let anyone too close._ He sighed. 

"Carter?"** he inquired. **

She looked questioning. 

"Colonel?" 

"Nothing to say about this?" 

"Well sir… regulations don't allow any fraternization between team-members." 

His heart sank. He admitted it; he'd counted on Carter's discretion, "Right." 

"But of course, sir, there is no relationship, is there?" Was there a gleam in her eyes? 

"Ehm, no, there isn't." 

"Have you seen any signs of a romantic relationship between Dr. Jackson and Colonel O'Neill?" She looked gravely at Teal'c. 

"I have not, MajorCarter." 

She nodded again. 

"Well, sir, I really see no reason to report this. I haven't seen anything to imply a relationship either," she gave him a meaningful look, "So maybe I should go home and not come back until tomorrow." 

"That would be wise MajorCarter, tomorrow may prove to be very tiring." 

Carter and Teal'c could have competed in stern faces. 

"Well, then I'll just leave for home then and not-" 

"Carter." 

"Sir?" 

"Thanks." 

"Right sir. Good night then." She turned to leave, but stopped. "And sir? Those fraternization rules? Hope you do something about it. Later Teal'c." 

"Good night MajorCarter." 

She opened the door and quietly closed it behind her. 

Jack looked at Teal'c, his eyes narrowed. 

"How long have you known about this?" 

"Time is of no importance, O'Neill." 

Jack raised an eyebrow, _oh that long then. _

"How can you have known about when I just realized I myself?" 

"Your skills are not those of a Jaffa, O'Neill. It is not your fault." 

_Smart-ass._

"And you were going to tell me when…?" 

"Telling would not be appropriate." 

"Oh for crying out loud…" 

Jack glared at him a few more moments, but then sighed. 

"Well, it's not much use anyway, Daniel's made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to know me anymore." 

"That is not my impression O'Neill." 

"He might have been interested Teal'c, but I screwed up." 

"I see. It was not unexpected." 

"Hey!" Jack looked at Teal'c who showed no sympathy. 

"What is your purpose in DanielJackson's office?" 

Jack rubbed his face tiredly and winced as he accidentally touched the still sore spot on his cheek. 

"Just a long shot. I…" He looked a bit embarrassed. "You remember that planet with that temple? Temple of Adoration or whatever…" 

"The Temple of Passion. Indeed. It is most unusual to find such a thing on a planet once ruled by the Gou'ald." 

"Yeah, Daniel was all excited and was working hard on translating that book he found there, but he had to stop when General Hammond gave him other projects which took priority." 

"I remember it well." 

"Well…" Jack blushed a bit. "I figured if I could somehow translate the rest for him, maybe find something useful in it… I'm… I'm writing him a letter. He won't let me close enough to talk, so I figured that if it was written he wouldn't be able to keep avoiding me." 

"I see." Teal'c regarded him. "You intend to translate this by yourself?" 

"Hey, don't look like that! I figured he's gotta have some Gou'ald dictionary here somewhere… Besides, I'm willing to bet that he had it roughly translated, he's fast." 

Teal'c nodded his agreement. Jack looked irritably at him. 

"So, what does this mean? I have your blessing?" The sarcasm dripped. 

Teal'c's mouth curved into what looked suspiciously like a smile. 

"I will assist you with the translation." 

~oOo~ 

Daniel stared at the words in front of him. The lines seemed to almost float together. He took of his glasses and rubbed his eyes. 

He'd been at the translation for hours, but he didn't seem to be able to focus. Every time he tried to make sense of the words, Jack's face popped up in his mind. Those laughing brown eyes, that fine sculpted nose, those soft lips… He mentally shook himself. 

Yep, this was the way to get over someone… It was the night before Christmas, and he was still in the mountain, trying to do some work. Half of the normal staff had gone home already to spend time with their families. 

He really envied them. The small Christmas tree that Sam had given him sat on a corner of his desk, mocking him. 

On the other hand, this was an excellent time to catch up with things. Get important work done. Distract himself. At least that was what he kept telling himself. 

He sighed and moved the translation aside, deciding to go for some coffee. If commissary coffee could even be described with such a kind word. He really needed to restock his supply of coffee. 

As he reached over the desk he noticed a small envelope that he would have sworn wasn't there a few hours ago. What caught his attention was that instead of the normal complex address, this one only said 

_Daniel_

The handwriting looked familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. 

His curiosity won out over his caffeine craving and he opened it and unfolded the neat piece of paper inside. 

_Daniel, _ ** **

_This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. So bare with me and keep reading, please. _

_I don't know where to start. I don't have your gift for always finding the right words. I usually find the wrong ones, or do the wrong thing. Shocker huh? I guess I need to say I'm sorry Daniel. _

_I realize this is all too little too late. But since you won't talk to me I had to find another way to tell you how much you mean to me. I'd probably screw it up again, so I found a poem that says exactly what I feel about you. _

If someone had rushed into the room exclaiming that the world was about to end, Daniel wouldn't have moved. As he read the first line, the words seemed familiar. 

_I wander blindly in choking darkness  
Where emptiness envelops me, surrounds me  
Slowly consuming me with every bitter second  
And hope hast vanished, dissipated with light _

_Yet when I see your face  
Love shines bright  
Hope glows strong  
Where once I was empty, now filled with bliss  
Where once I was blind, now overwhelmed by beauty  
And now I am whole, complete, without binds _

_Chains that shackle me, now release  
Wounds that bled sadness now heal with your touch  
Heaven forms around me and a sense of serenity washes over me  
My feelings I cannot control, I release them all  
Wild and free  
Strong and unbounded  
Flawless and everlasting _

_Yours forever _

_Jack_

He stared dumbly at the words before him. He re-read it again. And again. He didn't know how long he sat there, just staring at the piece of paper that had gone slightly wrinkled in his grip. 

Oh, he wanted to believe it. And to a certain point he did. A part of him wanted to believe it so badly. 

Another part of him wanted to throw the letter in the garbage bin and get the hell out of Dodge. That part remembered the pain of watching that normally strong man barely have the strength to sip water. The limp body lying in the hospital bed while Janet was telling them he wouldn't make it. Seeing the light in those eyes always filled with mischief slowly die out. 

Was that really something he wanted to put himself through? 

But could he ever avoid it? 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, willing the headache that was forming to go away. Why wouldn't his story just get a happy ending? It was Christmas after all. The season to be jolly. 

He looked at the letter again. A line caught his attention. 

_"I realize this is too little too late"_ Too late… If he didn't know better, he would say Jack was giving up. No, not giving up, leaving. 

Leaving. 

He didn't even think twice before flying out of his chair. Not having Jack as a lover was something he could live with; not having him as a friend he wasn't so sure about. 

He yanked the door open and stopped dead in his tracks just outside in the office. His heart picked up it's pace. There, across the corridor, leaning against the wall was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. 

He swallowed hard and evened out his breathing. 

"Jack." 

"Daniel." 

The stared at each other, willing the other to speak. 

Daniel gave in first. 

"You translated that poem?" 

"Yeah. With some help." 

"Why?" Why should he be the only on sweating? Jack looked like he was just about to grab a coffee. Jack certainly didn't seem to be as affected by Daniel, as Daniel was by Jack's presence. 

Jack coughed a bit nervously. 

"I don't know… I remembered how disappointed you were when you couldn't finish the translation, and well…" 

"And you were trying to mend fences." Daniel finished, feeling a bit disappointed. He'd really believed… 

"No! Yes. Partly. Of course I wanted to make it up to you, I've… Damn it Daniel, you know I'm sorry." 

"I don't want your pity Jack." 

"And you're not getting it." Jack's eyes grew warmer. "I care about you Daniel." 

"You do?" 

"Yes. More than I'm supposed to." 

"I see." 

Jack looked annoyed. 

"What? You've been taking lessons with Teal'c?" 

Daniel didn't rise to the bait. Jack sighed, defeated. 

"Look, what I did was selfish and reckless, and I'm sorry. Just tell me what to do to fix our friendship." 

"What if I don't want your friendship?" 

Jack grew pale. 

"I…" 

"What if I want something more?" 

Jack stared at him and a smile slowly spread over his face. 

"Well, I'd have to say… You got it." 

"I got it?"

He took a step closer to Jack. 

"Yep. You'll probably find you got more than you bargained for though." 

"Really?" 

Another slow step. 

"Uh huh. Now is when I let go of my striking charm and show you the real McCoy." 

"Sounds interesting." 

He was standing in front of Jack, their faces close. Jack leaned his face forward a bit, invitingly, but Daniel held him back. 

"You really translated that poem." 

"Yeah." 

"You hate translating." 

Jack smiled. One of _those smiles. _

"Yeah, I do." 

Daniel started chuckling. Jack looked confused. 

"I never realized…" The chuckle erupted into laughter. 

"What?" Jack's tone was a bit sharper. 

"You're… I…" 

"Daniel…" 

"You're a romantic! I never realized you were such a hopeless romantic!" 

The shade of Jack's face would have made Santa proud. Daniel cupped his cheek, still chuckling. 

"God, I think I love you." 

Jack cupped the back of his head and drew his face close. 

"Jack, someone might see us," Daniel protested halfheartedly. 

Jack pulled away and looked around and then swiftly grabbed Daniel's wrist and pulled him into his office. Shutting the door he pushed Daniel gently against it and then put his hands flat on the door either side of Daniel's head. Daniel looked at Jack and smiled. 

"I said… I think I love you." Daniel said softly. 

"Ditto." 

Daniel stared at the serious face before him in disbelief. 

"Ditto?!" 

Jack's face split into a grin. 

"That'll teach you for calling me a romantic." 

Daniel was about to give him a reply, but got distracted as Jack's face closed in again. 

"Well…" he said. 

"Well…" Jack's eyes twinkled. 

"Gonna kiss me?" 

"Depends. Gonna kiss me back?" Jack leaned in closer. 

"Maybe." 

"Maybe?" 

"Probably." 

"Probably?" 

"Okay… definitely." 

"Definitely? I'll hold you to that…" Jack whispered as he leaned in and Daniel's eyes began to close. 

"You can hold me…" Daniel barely whispered back and their lips were a breath away from each other. 

Jack pulled back and smiled, "What?" 

Daniel laughed, but didn't open his eyes, "I meant…you can hold me to that." 

Jack laughed, "I will, don't worry about that," and he kissed Daniel. 

_The End _

~oOo~


End file.
